I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
