I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
