remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
