He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.