had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.