Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine