i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.