Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
