I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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