I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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