I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
