I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.