Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
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who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.