I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
did you just send me my own nude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
