God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.