i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
