i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...