Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
