I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
