I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
