I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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