guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
