she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
