Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
