apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
