Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
