return my video game
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
