Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
