Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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