the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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