im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize