He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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