Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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