also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
