Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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