pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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