she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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