you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
