You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
