you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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