I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
