thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont even know how to be here
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
