i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
