i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
