I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
