i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
