It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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