yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
