this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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