No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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