She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
