She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
