dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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