Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
