She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
