So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize