He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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