I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
