Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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