she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
