No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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