Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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