whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
