He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
