when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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