I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
