sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
