So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
