just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
