u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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