We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just pynch a tree in the face
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
