Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
