just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
