I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
