I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
