Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
