It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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